My entire life, I always wanted to look and be perfect. I didn’t know how to stop being a perfectionist until one small, unexpected moment changed everything. I always wanted to figure everything out first. To research, to gather knowledge, to be sure before I finally start.
My whole life, I just wanted to do it right.
Otherwise, I would feel uncomfortable.
Until one moment, a single experience, changed my entire perspective.
It was a moment that forced me to face my fears of imperfection and realize that chasing perfection was holding me back from truly enjoying life.
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The Day I Learned How to Stop Being a Perfectionist
It happened during my practical exam.
Quick context: I work in a kindergarten. I’m still a trainee, but I’ll soon be an official early childhood educator.
I was confused about what to do for my practical exam. My theme was life skills.
Should I bake? Should I cut fruits with the kids? Make juice?
Eventually, I decided I wanted to make apple sauce.
It turned out so delicious as I did the trial before the actual exam. The kids loved it. We got to eat something together, and it felt simple and joyful.
I remember looking at their little faces and thinking, “This moment, this simple joy, is worth more than any perfectly structured plan I could have made.”
Then my mentor gave me feedback asked me, with that typical judging tone:
“How did you even come to this idea, making apple sauce? I would have just baked with the kids.”
Mind you. I had already baked twice before.
I just wanted to try something new, fresh, and fun.
In the past, I would have immediately questioned myself.
It might have been my desire to be perfect. It might have been my desire to please others.
Or maybe it was my Saturn in the fifth house in Cancer? Who knows.
But in truth, my whole life, the concept of fun was genuinely strange to me.
That day, I realized that learning how to stop being a perfectionist is a journey, not a single choice, and it touches every part of life.
Perfectionism Feels Safe, Until It Doesn’t
I’m the eldest daughter of three brothers. And I’m Asian too.
You can probably imagine the high expectations that came with that.
I had to look like I studied every day, every night.
And I did.
It became part of me.
Otherwise, I would feel guilty, even for wasting a little time “having fun.”
What even is having fun? Partying? Scrolling TikTok? Watching Chinese dramas?
Even doing those things made me feel guilty. I carried this guilt with me into adulthood, not realizing that it was tied directly to my perfectionism and my constant need to control everything.
Now that I’ve grown up, Saturn just keeps coming back in different forms, in different people, until I finally learned my lesson.
And the truth is: I was my biggest enemy.
For years, I blamed the world, my mentors, my family, even the universe, when really, I needed to learn how to stop being a perfectionist for myself.
The Ways Perfectionism Showed Up in My Life
Even trying to be creative, opening my YouTube channel, I procrastinated for two years because I hadn’t yet figured out how to stop being a perfectionist and allow myself to start imperfectly.
Even creativity had to be structured.
I turned self-expression into another task. Another must do. Another thing to “get right.”
It became a burden instead of something fun.
And then Saturn came again, this time in the form of my grandma-in-law.
She’s the same breed as my mom, both with Virgo placements (coincidence? maybe not. I am a Pisces Rising. If you know, you know?).
She constantly lectures me on how to wash my laundry, clean my apartment, clean the windows, the stove — everything.
She’s always watching, always judging.
And what do I do?
Nothing.
I bottle my emotions up, as I always do.
As an Asian woman, or maybe just as someone who’s not very emotionally expressive, I bottled it up inside.
But I’m pissed all the time.
I just never show it.
And I let her keep doing it.
Even then, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to have fun.
I wasn’t allowed to just be.
When Saturn Appears as My Mentor
Then Saturn came again, this time as my mentor.
She’s absolutely nice, don’t get me wrong.
But when it comes to academic and school stuff, she’s so rigid it hurts.
I didn’t even care about getting good grades. I just wanted to pass. But she made sure I did everything perfectly.
And that’s when it hit me:
She could be me if I don’t learn my lessons now.
That moment taught me a lesson I’d never understood before: how to stop being a perfectionist isn’t about doing everything imperfectly, it’s about letting yourself make mistakes and actually enjoy life.
Because I work with kids.
And with kids, it doesn’t have to be perfect.
I’m allowed to make mistakes.
I’m allowed to have fun.
I’m allowed to decide what I want. And I deserve to feel safe doing it.
The Day I Finally Understood
When I shared this realization with my therapist, she was so proud.
After almost a year of counseling, I finally got it.
And she helped me to realize that learning how to stop being a perfectionist applies to all areas of life! Writing blogs, work, even daily routines.
I literally procrastinated for two months because I wanted my website to look pretty and aesthetic.
I wanted every blog post to be the best it could be.
But of course, that meant I never actually started.
So I decided to just start and be there.
For others.
For myself.
For the first time, I realized that learning how to stop being a perfectionist isn’t about doing less, it’s about being more human.
And I gave myself permission to make mistakes. So hi if you are reading this far, it was not that bad, right?
The Moment I Stopped Being a Perfectionist
That’s when I finally sat with my mentor and said,
“Yeah, I’m doing this.”
Because I knew deep down: if I have fun, if I feel content with myself,
if I stop judging myself for every mistake and imperfection,
everyone around me, especially the kids, will notice.
They’ll feel safer making mistakes.
They’ll learn better.
They’ll have fun, too.
It all starts with me.
I might leave the education career path someday, but I won’t lie — it taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life.
So when Saturn shows up again in the form of another woman, another situation, another constraint..
When you wonder how to stop being a perfectionist yourself, remember this: it’s okay to not know it all, make mistakes, and have fun.
Because perfectionism never made me happy.
But letting go and having I-do-not-give-a-fuck mindset did.
So when you wonder how to stop being a perfectionist yourself, remember this: it’s okay to not know it all, make mistakes, and have fun.
And just in case you and I will be mother, here is a good blog about how to stop being a perfectionist as a mother. It ends with us!
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